Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Velveteen Rabbit

(reposted from other blog- regarding spiritual jouney towards surgery next month)
Ruffled, worn, and falling apart, the veveteen rabbit rest speachless on the floor.
The trip has been exhausting, and the journey long.
Each gentle guiding stroke, is now obvious from the prevailant bare areas where fur once lay, soft and clean.
The fur that remains is now dull and blemished.
The process of becoming real is not so pretty :(

I can't help but look towards surgery, and be reminded of the velveteen rabbit.
My body is worn, ruffled, and falling apart. And it will only feel and look worse in the weeks to come.
What will come from it though is one more step towards what God planned for me to be.
A lot of people think Chiari falls outside of the grace of God; outside of His original plan for me; not what He wanted for his child.
I don't agree.
Although the journey has been long, and its trials evident in my worn fur.........it has all been a series of AFGOs leading me to the raw realness of who I am to become.
AFGOs for those who don't know me, stand for Another Freakin Growth Opportunity. Ofcourse the original version of that I was given has been cleaned for all eyes and ears to take, but either works.
Life is full of AFGOs.
Ugly, painful, wonderful, AFGOs which both make and breaks us.
Yes make AND break.
Not either or.
Refinement burns out the ugly dark pieces. It isn't a gentle process that you come out of unscathed.
The brakes and tears are important; they are Gods wind for us, making our root in Him stronger.
Never feel sorry for me for having this condition. It isn't as debilitating as it is abilitating.
It has taught me far more than words or teachings ever could.
It has planted me stronger in my faith, and brought me closer to God.
But don't expect me to face each new AFGO with a grin on my face.
I don't like 'em.
There, I said it.
AFGOs stink.
They are uncomfortable, usually painful, undisirable times.
They are meant to shed off that next layer to get to the core. And like on onion, as they layers are removed, tears may result.
And this week(or next, I am sure) "How are you?" isn't the best way to greet me if tears make you uncomfortable.
I am emotional, almost bipolar in my degrees of emotion in fact.
I'm am smack dab in the middle of an AFGO, and I ain't happy about it.
But I do still have joy. Joy in the fact that I am held to a greater purpose than this body can possibly restrict me from.
I know that there is good on the otherside of this mountain.
So a better way to greet me perhaps it to just say "keep climbing".
I am almost at the peak, where I will be able to see the road for miles ahead.
Until ofcourse, I hit the next mountain. Unfortunately our lives are not made of one big test, but a series of 'em....... us humans are quick learns as we think we are.
So feel free to join me on this journey ahead............just know you might see tears along the way........and that's okay.
I gotta mountain to climb.
Ofcourse, if someone has a drill to go right through it, I will take that too.........
But for now, I'll keep climbing, loosing some fur along the way (Huge hunk from the back of my head to be exact) Each step to becoming more authentic in my walk.
Sorry this blog is so full of metaphors...........just thought you all could relate more than you could to brain surgery. We haven't all had someone drill into our sculls, but we have all been on this journey.
Take care of you,


lace1070 said...

Queli ~ absolutely loved your words of wisdom ~ I am very familiar with AFGO ~ enough already ~ don't we ALREADY have enough personality????

Thanks for the gentle reminder to press on ~ keep climbing ~ the turkeys have been getting me down. Lace

Puglet said...

I hate AFGOs.

I'm with you on this one. And yes, sometimes I do roll my eyes when someone *else* tries to remind me of whatever AFGO I am in the middle of. And then if they see me roll my eyes, I blame it on my syrinx.